Personal Counseling > Addictive Relationships

It is often hard to end a relationship even when you know it is bad for you. A "bad" relationship is not the kind that is going through the usual periods of disagreement and disenchantment that are inevitable when two separate people come together. A bad relationship is one that involves continual frustration; the relationship seems to have potential but that potential is always just out of reach. In fact, the attachment in such relationships is to someone who is "unattainable" in the sense that he or she is committed to someone else, doesn't want a committed relationship, or is incapable of one. Bad relationships are chronically lacking in what one or both partners need. Such relationships can destroy self-esteem and prevent those involved from moving on in their academic careers or personal lives. They are often fertile breeding grounds for loneliness, rage, and despair. In unhealthy relationships the two partners are often on such different wavelengths that there is little common ground, little significant communication, and little enjoyment of each other.

Remaining in an unhealthy relationship not only causes continual stress and may even be physically harmful. An obvious harm is the physical abuse that is often a part of such relationships. In a less obvious way, however, the tensions and chemical changes caused by the constant stress can drain energy and lower resistance to physical illness. Continuing in such relationships can lead to unhealthy escapes such as alcohol or drug abuse and can even lead to suicide attempts.

In such unhealthy relationships, individuals are robbed of several essential freedoms; the freedom to be their best selves in the relationship, the freedom to love the other person through choice rather than through dependency, and the freedom to leave a situation that is destructive.

Despite the pain of these relationships, many rational and practical people find that they are unable to leave, even though they know the relationship is bad for them. One part of them wants out but a seemingly stronger part refuses or feels helpless to take any action. It is in this sense that the relationships are "addictive." Choose a link below for more information on this topic...

• The Basis of the Addiction
• Are You Addicted?
• Strategies for Overcoming Relationship Addictions
• When to Seek Professional Help

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Ron Vick, MA, LPC
Counselor / Academic Advisor
Int'l Student Advisor